When I Lose Myself
by firefliesinlove
Summary: A One Shot Fic of Ryou and Bakura, and a day neither of them will forget! Warning: Yaoi, Shonen-ai (RB) .::Completed::.


Only When I Lose Myself  
  
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(A One Shot based upon the song 'Only When I Lose Myself' by Depeche Mode)  
  
Warning: Yaoi ahead! (R/B)  
  
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*~*  
  
It's only when I lose myself in someone else  
  
That I find myself  
  
I find myself  
  
*~*  
  
Ryou sat on the edge of his bed, deep in thought. Of course, he had a lot to think about, summer was just around the corner, and his Yami had agreed to take a small trip, and go camping with him. Of course, the one thing that his thoughts seemed to go back to was Bakura.  
  
He smiled happily as he remembered the look on Bakura's face the day that they had met. It certainly wasn't one of his happiest memories, but it still made him happy. He knew from the moment he had set his eyes on Bakura that he was in love. He had, of course, never told Bakura. But deep down inside he knew that the day would come when he would be brave enough to do so.  
  
Still, that day had not yet arrived. Ryou was almost... terrified, in a way, of what his Yami would think of him after he had confessed. He was afraid of rejection, of sadness. And, so, he kept it to himself.  
  
"Ryou!" A voice from downstairs yelled angrily up at him. Ryou blinked a few times before he realised who had been calling him. He jumped up from his bed, and ran downstairs, nearly tripping over each stair. "Finally!" Bakura frowned at Ryou, who skidded to a halt a few feet in front of him. "I called you a million times. What were you doing upstairs that was so important that you couldn't come down, huh?"  
  
"I-I'm sorry, Bakura. It was nothing. Just got caught up in some home work." He smiled, and thought to himself. 'Just thinking about you, Bakura. Something very, very important to me right now.' Then he looked up at Bakura.  
  
He looked into Bakura's dark eyes, and found that he couldn't look away. It was as if there was some kind of connection that neither of them could break.  
  
*~*  
  
Something beautiful is happening inside for me  
  
Something sensual, it's full of fire and mystery  
  
I feel hypnotized  
  
I feel paralysed  
  
I have found heaven  
  
*~*  
  
"Well, I-" Bakura paused for a moment, unsure of why his lighter half was staring at him in such an odd way.  
  
"Hmm?" Ryou blinked, and cocked his head to one side, still smiling.  
  
"I'm hungry. And I don't like cooking, either." Bakura said in a small voice, trying to look away, but not succeeding.  
  
"Oh..." Ryou looked down for a moment, then smiled again. "Well I'll make something to eat for you, then." He turned around, and walked into the kitchen. The way Ryou said it made Bakura blush, and he cursed at himself for doing so. He shook his head, and walked back into the family room, and sat down to watch the 'oh so interesting' television.  
  
In the kitchen, Ryou was humming happily, and skipping from the cupboard to the fridge and back again, grabbing this and that. He picked up a pot, and placed it on the stove. It only took him fifteen minutes to make the soup, and he almost forgot about Bakura waiting in the other room. 'How could I ever forget him?' He shrugged, and placed two bowls of soup and two spoons on the small, round table.  
  
"Bakura! Lunch is ready!" he called out in his cheery voice, and sat down. He picked up his spoon, and dipped it in the soup. He took a sip from the spoon, and licked his lips. 'I do make a good soup when I want to,' he thought, and continued to eat his soup.  
  
Bakura walked in a few moments later, and didn't even bother to acknowledge that Ryou was sitting across from him. He simply sat down, ate the soup as quickly as possible, and stood up from the table. Ryou sighed as he finished his, and brought both bowls over to the sink, and left them there. He could always wash them later.  
  
"So what are you going to do today, Bakura? Go out with Malik and Marik again?" His cheery mood always made Bakura uneasy, as if he felt guilty about something.  
  
"Um, well, no. I'll just stay here today." Bakura stood there, looking very unsure about everything.  
  
"That's nice. I was going to go to the movies again with Yugi and the gang, but they're all busy today." He knew that it was a half of a lie, considering that they were busy, but that they had invited him to join them in their activities. But he had not wanted to intrude on Yugi and Yami, or Joey and Kaiba. He knew that even they needed their time alone.  
  
*~*  
  
There's a thousand reasons  
  
Why I shouldn't spend my time with you  
  
For every reason not to be here  
  
I can think of two  
  
To keep me hanging on  
  
Feeling nothing's wrong  
  
Inside your heaven  
  
*~*  
  
"Oh..." Bakura trailed off, and shifted on his feet uncomfortably. "I'll just go watch the tele-whatever, then."  
  
With that, Ryou laughed. "The television?" He suddenly got an idea, and smiled again. "Want to watch a movie with me, then?"  
  
Bakura shrugged, and slowly followed Ryou out into the family room. They sat down on the couch, a considerable distance between both of them, and Ryou pressed 'play' on the VCR remote.  
  
"You might like this one." Ryou said, suddenly realising that the movie in the VCR was one that Joey and Tristan had left at his house. No doubt it was a movie that he wouldn't enjoy too much. He glanced at Bakura and looked away after nearly a split second.  
  
*~*  
  
It's only when I lose myself in someone else  
  
That I find myself  
  
I find myself  
  
*~*  
  
Halfway through the movie, Ryou couldn't bear to even look at the screen anymore. He couldn't stand the site of people being murdered and mutilated over and over. He turned away from the television, and stared down at the carpet, which to him, at that moment, was quite interesting.  
  
Suddenly the room got darker, and he looked up to see that Bakura had turned off the television. The only light was coming from a small window in the kitchen. Bakura loved the dark, especially during the day with everything being so bright.  
  
"Didn't you like that movie?" He looked at Bakura. He was really confused.  
  
"Hmm, well, I did. But it didn't seem like you were enjoying it." He said quietly, from beside Ryou. "And I've seen it before." He added quickly.  
  
"Oh, well, if you don't want me to stick around, I can always go upstairs." Ryou started to get up, but Bakura grabbed his arm, shocking both of them.  
  
"Well, I - uh, I didn't feel like watching it again." Bakura could feel his face getting hotter, and his cheeks had turned to a deep crimson colour. He was trying to keep his thoughts in order, very hard for him. Especially since the object of his thoughts was sitting beside him. He let go of Ryou's arm, and felt relief flood through his body as Ryou sat back down.  
  
"Alright. Did you want me to stay?" Ryou said, still not understanding any of Bakura's actions. 'Don't think like that!' he scolded himself as he felt the urge to grab Bakura and kiss him to death.  
  
"Only if you want." Bakura said a little too quickly, and he slapped himself mentally for allowing his hikari to be able to leave by will. Ryou didn't move. He stayed there, and watched Bakura. He could only make out Bakura's outline, and he could see the small sparkle in Bakura's eyes. Something he didn't often see.  
  
"So..." Ryou said slowly, unsure of what to really say. "How's life?" He shook his head at his stupidity. That wasn't something you asked Bakura.  
  
"Fine..." Bakura said, a little distractedly. His eyes were glued on Ryou. 'I don't know how much longer I can keep myself from-' Before he could end his thoughts, Ryou spoke again.  
  
"Summer break is only a few days away!" Ryou said, a smile forming on his face. "I really can't wait, and I can't believe that you-"  
  
Ryou was cut off as Bakura jumped onto him, pushed him down on the couch, and pressed his lips against Ryou's. In shock, Ryou's lips parted, and Bakura pushed his mouth harder onto Ryou's, and his tongue explored Ryou's mouth curiously and hungrily. When he pulled back, both were panting slightly from the lack of oxygen. Ryou looked up at Bakura, he was too shocked to know what to say.  
  
*~*  
  
I can feel the emptiness inside me  
  
Fade and disappear  
  
There's a feeling of contentment  
  
Now that you are here  
  
I feel satisfied  
  
I belong inside  
  
Your velvet heaven  
  
*~*  
  
"Bakura, I..." Ryou trailed off as Bakura's hands found themselves under Ryou's shirt, and were slowly sliding down Ryou's sides. Ryou shivered at the contact, and let his head fall back down onto the couch.  
  
"I know..." Bakura said before he pressed their mouths together again. Ryou was in such shock that he didn't even resist or try to stop Bakura from doing everything. Bakura lay down on top of Ryou. When they pulled apart again, Ryou closed his eyes. He could feel Bakura planting kisses down the side of his neck. When the shirt got in the way, Bakura pulled it off rather gently, shocking Ryou even more. 'He's - he's so... gentle...' Ryou's thoughts trailed off as Bakura mouth got down to Ryou's stomach, just above his jeans.  
  
When Bakura had enough of his exploration, he brought his mouth back up to Ryou's face, and they kissed rather passionately. Ryou could feel heat radiating off of Bakura, heat that he knew wasn't because of the temperature in the house. Ryou wrapped his arms around Bakura's neck as they continued kissing.  
  
Somehow, Bakura's shirt found its way down to the floor alongside Ryou's. Neither really cared. They were in heaven.  
  
*~*  
  
Did I need to sell my soul for pleasure like this  
  
Did I have to lose control to treasure your kiss  
  
Did I need to place my heart in the palm of your hand  
  
Before I could even start to understand  
  
*~*  
  
Bakura carried Ryou up the stairs, and pulled the blankets off of his bed. He placed Ryou carefully on the bed, climbed up on top of him, and continued kissing his Hikari.  
  
When they finally broke apart again, Bakura and Ryou were lying on their sides, staring at each other. Bakura pulled Ryou into his strong arms, and Ryou breathed in the sweet scent that met his nose.  
  
"Ashiteru, Baku-chan..." Ryou mumbled into Bakura's chest a little breathlessly. He had always wanted to try out that nickname.  
  
"Ashiteru, Ryou-kun." Bakura spoke softly as he brought Ryou's face up to his own, and kissed him gently.  
  
Ryou smiled, and snuggled into his Yami. Both were content to lie there, unmoving, in each other's warmth. It didn't matter that it was only the afternoon. That only made it better for the two. Ryou fell asleep as he thought to himself about how he would never forget what had happened. Ever.  
  
"Sleep well, Tenshi." Bakura said as his eyelids drooped closed, and he, too, fell into a deep sleep.  
  
*~*  
  
It's only when I lose myself in someone else  
  
That I find myself  
  
I find myself  
  
*~*  
  
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Disclaimer: I don't own YuGiOh or anything related with it, like the characters or anything. And I don't own the song 'Only When I Lose Myself.' Obviously, it belongs to Depeche Mode. ^-^  
  
Thanks for reading my first Ryou/Bakura fic ever! ^_^ Hope you enjoyed it, I can only say that I had a lot of fun writing this fanfic, and I hope to write more R/B fics soon!  
  
Please R&R! ^-^ *Hugs Everyone*  
  
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^_^ 


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